


Taking My Heart To Pieces

by Crazy_Dumpling



Category: Shinhwa
Genre: Fluff and Smut, Kink Bingo 2013, M/M, Orgasm Control
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 06:24:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3198734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_Dumpling/pseuds/Crazy_Dumpling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Any sensible person should have left years ago; luckily for him, Dongwan has never claimed to be sensible, nor has Andy ever expected it of him.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taking My Heart To Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> My last fic for my 2013 Kink Bingo card... and I've managed to use WanDy for the entire bingo. Whoops.
> 
> Warning! This is mostly smut with a light dusting of fluff. Title taken from Duran Duran's Come Undone.

He really doesn’t deserve Dongwan.

Andy has time to think this, just as Dongwan takes a shaky breath and tries to tug him down into another kiss. But he is quick enough to pull away, too aware of the task at hand — literally. Andy glances down, and the sight of his hand wrapped around Dongwan’s red cock sends an electric kick of lust through him. He’s making Dongwan lose control, _he’s_ the one keeping Dongwan on the very edge of his orgasm with just the slide of his palm and fingers against Dongwan’s hot flesh. He’s the one dangling completion just out of Dongwan’s increasingly desperate grasp. Only him.

And Dongwan still lets him get away with it. That’s the impossible thing about this whole situation. Andy still doesn’t understand how someone as perfectly good as Dongwan decided to get mixed up with a fool like him. God knows there must be dozens of people more suited to be Dongwan’s lover than him. People who can string a proper sentence together without too many pauses, or who don’t constantly find themselves having to take phone calls from work right in the middle of an intimate date night, or who manage to keep themselves out of the public eye because they haven’t stupidly thought placing money on soccer bets seemed like a good idea.

Any sensible person should have left years ago; luckily for him, Dongwan has never claimed to be sensible, nor has Andy ever expected it of him. 

So here they are, after seventeen years of being in the same group, nearly half as many of those years spent as lovers, even if they are still too shy to ever admit to such a thing. Dongwan came to Andy’s apartment after dinner with some mutual friends. Andy had just come back from a hard day at his own offices, trying to schedule media appearances for his idol groups. Dongwan had stripped off his clothing in the hallway, claiming that he was too hot, and pulled Andy close. He smelt faintly of soju and Andy let himself be pushed up against the door of his bedroom and kissed thoroughly before Dongwan let him go and they fell into the bed. 

Even now, as Andy lets Dongwan fuck his hand, he still wonders what kind of great deeds he must have done in his past life (if such things do exist) to have the other man as his lover. He tightens his grip slightly, thumbs at the head of Dongwan’s cock. He can tell that Dongwan is close, watches the sweat bead on Dongwan’s forehead and leans forward to lick it away, eliciting a loud moan and a strangled curse from the man lying next to him. Dongwan’s hips are arching off the bed, his hands are clutching at Andy’s shoulders and his mouth is half open and so very wet and red.

Right now, all Andy cares about is that Dongwan is nearing that exquisite moment just before climax. That point in time where nothing else matters but chasing down his pleasure to its completion. _He’s the one who brought Dongwan this far._ It’s not a new realisation, but one that is familiar as a well-rehearsed dance manoeuvre; each time Dongwan fixes those eyes on him — eyes drenched black with lust — Andy feels a heady thrill of power that only heightens his own arousal.

The thing is, Andy knows he doesn’t deserve Dongwan. But since Dongwan is here, in his bed, aching for his touch, Andy knows he must prolong this moment for as long as possible. Who knows when they might have this chance again? Who’s to say that after this, Dongwan might not have a change of heart and never want to touch Andy so intimately again? 

These are silly, irrational fears. Andy understands this as well. But there is something beautiful about denying Dongwan immediate release and watching him turn frantic in his need to come… Andy knows he is taking advantage of Dongwan’s vulnerability. Perhaps a better lover would not ask it of Dongwan. 

Andy is not the better person he should be.

“Want… need more of you now, Sunho… _Come on!_ ” Dongwan’s not even bothering with being polite now. He digs his fingers into the fleshy part of Andy’s shoulder, tight enough for Andy to wince and stop the movement of his hand. “Ah! Christ, you’re going to drive me crazy like this! Why do you always —”

He cuts his own tirade off with a squawk of indignation as Andy takes his hand away completely. For a moment the two of them exchange a single, loaded look. Andy knows that this game depends on Dongwan’s willingness to let him take control. Each time they come to this part, he’s always so sure that this will be the absolute last time Dongwan takes any of his nonsense. That Dongwan will just lose patience and walk out of the bedroom. 

Andy is always surprised when Dongwan rolls his eyes and lets Andy kiss him. One day, Andy thinks. One day he will ask too much and Dongwan will leave. But as he slides his fingers through Dongwan’s carefully styled hair so that he can crush their lips together, all Andy knows is that Dongwan is kissing him back with so much heat that he feels like a fool for ever doubting him. 

“Why are you always so cruel to me?” Dongwan asks, when they part for air, his lips scant millimetres away from Andy’s. “Sometimes it feels like you do it on purpose, just so I end up begging…”

Andy kisses him again, tastes the soju on Dongwan’s tongue as it slides against his and thinks he could die happy, just being like this. This is the way they share secrets. Not in words, but with gestures coded in a language all their own. Andy thinks he could tell Dongwan anything he wanted to know at all, if only Dongwan was aware of how he should be asking.

“You need it?” Andy says, when they remember to breathe again. His fingers trace the outline of Dongwan’s cock, circling the sensitive head and making Dongwan cry out in frustration. “You need me here, Wannie?”

“Damn you,” Dongwan bites out, though there is no real anger in his eyes. “You know what I need! Stop power tripping and be nice to your hyung.”

Andy takes Dongwan in hand again, strokes him long and slow, making sure that they’re maintaining eye contact the whole time, until Dongwan surrenders to the sensation and half-closes his eyes. He’s so beautiful; messy and undone, wanton and entirely vulnerable, his trust in Andy complete. Andy feels as though he is the luckiest asshole in the world. He stops stroking again, just as the muscles in Dongwan’s stomach tense, just before he can reach the crest of his pleasure.

“Tell me how much you want it, hyung.”

“Fuck!” Dongwan mewls, his voice cracking with the strain. “I swear to God you’re going to be the death of me…”

Possibly. Andy feels his smile become wider, sharper. He drags his fingernail gently up the length of Dongwan’s cock, grazes his sac and loves the sound of Dongwan’s pleading moan in his ear.

“ _Tell me_ , hyung. I need to hear you say it.”

“I’m not… going to…” Dongwan throws his head back onto the pillows as Andy leaves a slow trail of messy kisses along the line of his jaw, his teeth nipping at skin. “Don’t do this to me, Sunho-yah. You know I won’t…”

“You came here,” Andy counters, “because you knew you wanted exactly this. You could’ve gone home, Wannie. Your place would have been much closer than mine. You could have been in bed by now. By yourself. Without me tormenting you. But hyung came halfway across town, because you know you needed this.”

“Needed _you_ , idiot.”

Andy will never understand that. He dips his head and licks at Dongwan’s nipple, circling it with the tip of his tongue and watching it harden in the cool, still air before moving to the other. Dongwan’s fingers dig into his shoulders, an almost painful presence that anchors him in place.

“What was that you said?”

“Ah, fuck! I need you, you annoying brat!” Dongwan pulls Andy up again so that they can kiss and Andy reaches greedily for Dongwan’s cock, stroking him again until Dongwan is nearly mad with frustration and pushing up against Andy’s body for any extra friction. Andy is almost tempted to finish things off early and let Dongwan come all over his hand, but there are rules to the games they play.

“Say it again,” he murmurs, pulling his mouth away from Dongwan’s and laying his head on Dongwan’s chest. He can hear the hammering of Dongwan’s heart just under his ear and it sends a thrill of excitement down his spine. “Is this good for you? Do you want more?”

Dongwan has to take a deep breath before he replies. “You always make it good for me, baby. You know I could take everything you give me. Whatever you want to do. But I’m not going to beg for it. Not this time.”

Andy lifts his head so Dongwan can see his pout. “I like it when you beg, though. You do it so well.”

A sudden memory of Dongwan kneeling at his feet, bound and blindfolded and ready to be claimed makes Andy shiver with want. That might not be what they’re doing tonight, but oh God, how could he ever forget something as beautiful as _that_? Impulsively, Andy kisses Dongwan, wanting to taste more of his lover, letting their tongues tangle with each other and pulling Dongwan closer until he’s sitting astride him.

“I don’t — I don’t get it.” He mutters, biting back a moan as Dongwan slides a hand up his thigh, warm and sure. “You know, most guys with some sort of sense would have pissed off by now. How are you still here with me, hyung?”

For a moment, Dongwan looks confused, as if Andy’s talking in some foreign language. Then he smiles, and Andy feels like he’s being warmed from the inside out. “I must have no sense at all, then. Or maybe I just like seeing you finish things you start.” He guides Andy’s hand back down to his dick. “Would you like to try convincing me again?”

“You’re so crude.”

Dongwan raises an eyebrow, a challenging note in his eyes. Oh, Andy knows they can get much — _much_ — cruder. If half the things they mutter to each other in bed ever got leaked to the press, they’d probably be arrested for obscenity.

A new idea pops into his head. Andy rolls off Dongwan and pads to his bedside table. He pulls open a drawer and finds his tube of lube (nearly half-empty) and a condom and walks back to the bed.

“You’re lucky I knew you were coming back to bed,” Dongwan tells him. “Otherwise I’d have tackled you to the ground and fucked you on the floor.”

“Promises.” Andy sniffs, trying to be haughty and unconcerned, even though the thought of Dongwan taking him so roughly thrills him more than it should. Dongwan grins and tugs him back into the bed and then they’re laughing as they try to navigate twisted bedsheets and flailing limbs. By some quirk, Dongwan manages to gain the upper hand. He rolls on top of Andy and pins his wrists above his head. Andy struggles, but Dongwan holds firm, his skin flushed red with exertion and arousal and alcohol.

“Maybe I should give you a taste of your own medicine, Lee Sunho-ssi. Make you all hot and bothered and not let you come. Maybe I should try and make you beg for it. Would you like that?”

He would. Oh, God, he would. Andy shuts his eyes for a moment, trying to marshall his thoughts. His cock is painfully hard now. He can’t imagine how Dongwan would torture him the same way.

“Lucky for you, I’m feeling merciful tonight.” Dongwan announces, clearly aiming for magnanimous but failing badly as he grabs frantically for the lube and condom and. “Can we fuck now, baby?”

There it is; that fundamental difference between the two of them. Andy dictates each part of their play, allowing for little negotiation, believing in the benefits of strict control. And Dongwan… Dongwan is so willing to give over that control to him. He could have fucked Andy without further ado, but here he is, still checking if it’s what Andy wants as well.

Sometimes it all just feels so horribly selfish, but damn if Andy isn’t addicted to it all. He nods his head and giggles when Dongwan lets out a celebratory whoop of joy.

“You’re acting like some nineteen year-old virgin with his first girlfriend.”

“Mmm, are you jealous?” Dongwan raises an eyebrow, “Don’t worry, my girlfriend didn’t have an ass like yours, sweetheart. And she definitely didn’t know how to kiss as well as you do… Mind you, she wasn’t so rude to me either. You love bossing me around, don’t you? Like I’m your personal sex toy.”

Dongwan is so much more than that. Andy opens his mouth for a quick, snappy retort, but only manages to come up with, “No. You’re everything to me, hyung.”

Which makes Dongwan pause and gape like a dying fish. Andy shifts, annoyed that he’s dampened their early frothier mood. Now things just feel too serious. Andy feels the silence lengthen, slowly becoming sticky and awkward. He fists a hand in the blankets, unsure of what to say next.

“You really mean that, don’t you?” Dongwan asks after a long, long pause. “Why didn’t you ever say anything before?”

Andy rolls his eyes. “Because I didn’t want for things to get weird! Look what’s just happened! Ah, hyung. Forget what I just said, OK? Take it as me being tired and overworked and shit. Let’s just finish this. You don’t have to say anything.”

Faster than Andy realises, Dongwan surges up against him, his hands framing Andy’s face. His lips are softer against Andy’s this time. The kiss is sweet and slow, filled with none of the lust-fuelled rush of their earlier kisses. They kiss over and over again, and it feels like Dongwan is memorising the shape of Andy’s mouth, licking out the taste of him. Andy feels drunk with want.

“Wannie…” It’s embarrassing how young he sounds, how scared. Andy would blush, if he wasn’t so desperate for more of Dongwan’s touch. Before he can say anything else, Dongwan kisses him again. Andy can feel the heat of Dongwan’s erection pressing into his belly and he gasps when Dongwan rolls their hips together and their cocks brush. They rut together for a while like that, clutching at each other like teenagers just discovering each other’s bodies for the first time.

“You’ll drive me mad one day, Sunho-yah.” Dongwan’s got his forehead pressed up against Andy’s now. The bed is starting to creak, the headboard hitting the wall with each movement of Dongwan’s hips. “Do you even understand what you do to me? You keep playing these games with me, as if you’re trying to see how far you can push me. But you don’t get it, do you? I’m not going to leave. You’re worth more than just a few kinky fucks.”

“Hyung.” Andy starts. Nothing else comes to mind. “Hyung… I - I need you…”

Dongwan looks only slightly insufferably smug. “Say that again?”

Fuck him. Andy glares and tries to move his legs and shift the balance of their weight, but Dongwan grins that particularly infuriating smile of his and presses his hips even more firmly against Andy’s, which only serves to make Andy groan with the frustration of feeling Dongwan’s cock against his and not being able to do anything about it.

“Looks like someone got a little too cocky just now,” Dongwan crows, apparently unaware of the dreadful pun he’s making. “Ask me nicely, Andy-ah.”

Andy glares. Or he tries to, but fails because Dongwan is leaving wet, sloppy kisses down his neck and along his collarbone. “Ah, hyung. You’re a bastard!”

Dongwan laughs. “You can dish it out, but you can’t take it, huh? Maybe I _should_ be as cruel as you are to me. _Maybe_ I’ll just suck you off until you’re just about to come and then wait until you’re crying for me to finish you off. Would that be fair?”

Possibly. Andy licks his lips, unconsciously arching his hips up for more contact with Dongwan. He needs Dongwan. It’s a fierce need that claws at the inside of his belly and sinks deep into his bones. He doesn’t even consider how much of a loss of face it will be, to admit defeat and allow Dongwan to see how needy he is. 

Somehow, he thinks that Dongwan will understand. Between the two of them, they have very little shame left. Perhaps it should scare him, how much they’ve revealed to each other, but Andy feels no apprehension, no fear. He can’t even think about what that means. He doesn’t want to. Right now, all Andy wants is to feel Dongwan inside him. He forbids himself from thinking about anything that isn’t purely physical.

“Hyung,” Andy whimpers, “hyung, _please_. I want you.”

On TV shows, Andy and the rest of the members have mocked Dongwan for his easy expressiveness, but the moment when Dongwan realises what Andy has just admitted to, his face turns radiant with a smile that would dim the lights in any room. 

“Fool. Was that really so hard to say?”

“It’s hard when my idiot hyung is lying on top of me and _not moving_!” Andy retorts, freeing his wrists from Dongwan’s grasp. They push and pull for a while, but Andy is content with having Dongwan on top of him, and in any case Dongwan is being unfairly distracting, his hands running up and down the length of Andy’s body, clutching at him and drawing him close, so close they might suffocate. Andy thinks he could die happy like this, right now.

Dongwan pulls away suddenly, gropes at the bedsheets for the lube and condom. He rips open the foil packet violently and swears when Andy sinks his teeth into the fleshy mound of his chest.

“Fuck!” The look on Dongwan’s face is priceless, halfway between surprise and irritation.

Andy tries looking a little contrite and dissolves into laughter instead. Dongwan grunts, rubbing at the marks Andy’s teeth have made.

“You can be such an animal sometimes, Lee Sunho.”

“Sorry,” Andy says, not meaning it at all. “I wanted to taste you.”

This admission earns him another megawatt smile. They both help Dongwan put the condom on, though Andy takes the opportunity to tease Dongwan one more time, slicking his hand up with lube and tugging at Dongwan’s dick until Dongwan pushes him back down onto the bed with a mangled curse and finishes the task himself. Then he spreads Andy’s legs wide, slides his lube-slick hand between Andy’s cheeks, searching for the pucker of his hole. 

They share a quick, loaded glance before Dongwan pushes the first finger into Andy’s heat. Andy forces himself to watch the whole time, gasping as Dongwan slowly stretches him out, loving the sensation of finally having Dongwan fuck him and the look of concentration on Dongwan’s face as he fucks Andy gently. A second finger joins the first, and soon Andy is finding it hard not to whimper and plead because Dongwan is playing him like a perfectly tuned instrument, his fingers alternately driving deep into Andy and then curling up, up, up, searching for that sweetly elusive spot.

“Is that good?” Dongwan asks. His other hand is warm and heavy on Andy’s thigh, holding him open. “Do you need more?”

There’s no guile in the question, no indication that they’re still playing that stupid game that Andy started. Instead, Dongwan’s voice is tender and low. It reminds Andy of the first time they made love — not some sweaty session of jerking off after rehearsal, or a blow job in an anonymous hotel room when they were on tour — and how gentle Dongwan was with him, waiting until Andy was properly relaxed and crying out for Dongwan to please, please stop teasing and just end it before finally thrusting into Andy so sweet and slow Andy had thought he might die with the perfection of it all.

Andy’s beyond words now. Anticipation and raw need have robbed him of his ability to speak. He just nods mutely and reaches up for Dongwan, kissing him hungrily, hoping Dongwan understands his urgency. 

(It does occur to Andy, just at this moment, how he has utterly failed at being the one in charge. Instead of having Dongwan under his control, what has come to pass is the very opposite of his intended outcome. Better planning in the future is a possible solution he should consider.)

“You don’t understand half of what you do to me,” Dongwan murmurs, and it goes straight to Andy’s heart. “I don’t think you know what I would do for you, Sunho-yah.”

“Shut up.” Andy returns, pressing another kiss to the corner of Dongwan’s mouth, because if he does anything else, he might end up confessing things he prefers to keep hidden. “I need you now, hyung. I don’t think I will ever stop wanting you… So can we just do this now, please?”’

Dongwan snorts. “You have a one-track mind.” But his kiss is sweet and soft. He pulls out his fingers, takes his cock and guides it between Andy’s spread thighs, before thrusting in one smooth motion that makes Andy cry out and grasp at the sheets.

“Good?” Dongwan gasps.

“Mmm… perfect…” Andy manages. He rolls his hips upwards, taking Dongwan in deeper, the both of them moaning at the sensation. “Need more.” 

“So demanding.” Dongwan’s voice is shaky now, but he does as he’s told. 

The rhythm of his thrusts is frustratingly, wonderfully slow and deep, each movement more intense than the last, as though Dongwan is building up to some kind of insane crescendo. Andy fists at the bedsheets, digging into the mattress as he cants his hips, trying to match Dongwan’s thrusts. He is dimly aware of the sounds he is making and how embarrassingly wanton they are; each little moan and whimper seems magnified a thousandfold in the quiet intimacy of Andy’s bedroom. Dongwan thrusts in hard and sure, and Andy makes a mewling noise and reaches for his aching cock, needing to ease some of the pressure.

“No!” Dongwan mutters, swatting Andy’s hand away. “Just — just let me do that for you… Ah, fuck, Sunho… you’re so fucking tight…”

It’s the look on his face that makes Andy’s heart stop. Dongwan’s hair sticks up in peaks, his lips are shiny and red, and the mark Andy made with his teeth gleams in the half-light. And Andy is the cause of this disorder, the reason why Dongwan’s steady rhythm is beginning to become erratic, his thrusting more frantic. Andy feels the hot stab of realisation deep in his belly, feels it merge with the rest of the pleasure winding itself through his body, pleasure that Dongwan provides. It’s not just about power — it’s so much more than that. They do this to each other… Andy is undone by Dongwan and undoes him. A mutual seduction. Andy’s always known it.

He can feel his whole body going taut, straining for the blessed relief of his climax. Andy chases it down, rolling his hips against Dongwan’s, hissing when Dongwan’s fingers dig into the flesh of his hips. His open mouth drags against the sheets. Sparks dance behind his eyes when he squeezes them shut. Andy wonders how he looks now, so utterly debauched and full of Dongwan. He wonders if he should feel ashamed for loving this as much as he does, for making Dongwan lose control so spectacularly.

“Wannie, _please_!” The cry leaves his throat raw, but Andy is past caring. They rearrange themselves; Dongwan places Andy’s thigh on his shoulder, opening him up further and changing the angle of his thrusts. They are shorter now, harder. Dongwan is already teetering on the apex of his orgasm. His fingers grip Andy so hard that there will be bruises tomorrow, but Andy refuses to care. He gives himself over to the ecstasy that is threatening to overcome his senses, chases down his pleasure.

Dongwan comes groaning Andy’s name. He thrusts deep into Andy and fills him with his seed. The sight of the pleasure spreading over his face is almost enough to trigger Andy’s climax. He whimpers, his dick dripping pre-come onto the sheets, staining them further. He needs to come so badly it _hurts_. After a painfully long minute, Dongwan manages to come to his senses. He smiles sleepily, and Andy is at once inordinately proud that he has turned Dongwan momentarily speechless and incredibly jealous that he has not been allowed to come yet. Then he moans with loss when Dongwan pulls out, leaving him feeling empty and unfulfilled.

That problem is resolved when Dongwan shifts them so that he is spooning up against Andy, his breath ghosting over Andy’s skin, raising goosebumps. 

“Come here, Sunho-yah. Let hyung take care of you.” He spits into his palm once, twice, and starts jerking Andy off, his strokes strong and sure. It is over almost immediately. Andy comes with a loud moan, his come coating Dongwan’s hand as he shoots in long, thick stripes, sparks exploding behind his shut eyes.

***

Later, when the red haze of pleasure finally clears, Andy sees Dongwan watching him, a soft smile playing about his full lips.

“What?” He asks, feeling self-conscious under the weight of Dongwan’s gaze. “What do you see that’s so interesting, hyung?”

Dongwan reaches for his hand and they wind their fingers together, as they’ve always done. Andy’s heart skips a beat. “I see the most oblivious idiot in the world.”

They lie quietly for a while, and Dongwan pulls Andy against himself, his arms encircling Andy’s chest, as though Andy is still some awkward teenager who needs protecting from the rest of the world. They’re sticky with sweat and spit and come, but Andy doesn’t mind at all, happy enough to just enjoy lying together like this, listening to the steady beat of Dongwan’s heart and his breath tickling the back of Andy’s neck.

“You know what I mean, don’t you?” Dongwan asks, just as Andy’s about to fall asleep. “You and I… We’ve never needed all these tests you keep putting me through. I’m in love with you, Lee Suho-ssi. I think I’ve been in love with you since the first day I met you in that practice room. You don’t have to worry about that.”

Andy doesn’t trust himself to speak, but Dongwan deserves an answer. “You’re drunk, hyung.”

Dongwan snorts. “Doesn’t change anything. You can ask me tomorrow and I’d still say the same thing.”

“You’re mad, then.” Andy turns so he can look Dongwan in the face. “I don’t deserve you, Wannie. You’re so good… and I keep fucking stuff up… I just — I don’t want to drag you down with my problems…”

“Oh, God. Do you even hear yourself?” Dongwan plants a swift kiss on Andy’s lips, leans over and flicks off the bedside lamp, leaving the room in darkness. They can still see each other, though. The street lamps outside provide enough illumination. Dongwan’s eyes are wet and when he smiles, Andy thinks he could believe anything Dongwan says. “You, Lee Sunho. You’re so far from being a failure at _anything_. So you’ve had some shit happen to you lately. But you’re still so strong, so incredibly brave even after all of the hurt you’ve been through. You’re still _you_ , even after all that. That’s why I love you.”

“Sap.” Andy mutters. He lets himself rest his head against Dongwan’s chest. “You should write one of those romance novels ahjummas go crazy over.”

“Rude.” But Andy can hear the smile in Dongwan’s voice. “You’re plenty perfect for me, even when you’re disrespecting your hyung.”

And that, Andy supposes, is enough for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Written to fulfil the 'orgasm control' square on my Kink Bingo card.


End file.
